Why Assertive Communication Matters
Assertive Communication. Picture this: you’re in a meeting, and someone suddenly snaps, “This is a stupid idea.” The room freezes. You can feel the tension, the awkward silence, and the weight of everyone’s discomfort. So, what’s your move? Do you let it slide and risk this becoming the new normal? Or do you step in and address it in a way that keeps respect intact and your team united?
This is where assertive communication comes into play. It’s not about calling someone out aggressively or brushing the issue under the rug. Instead, it’s about expressing your needs clearly and respectfully. When done well, it fosters trust, prevents misunderstandings, and creates a space where everyone feels valued.
As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” Assertive communication is the key to unlocking this potential in your team.
The DESC Method for Assertive Communication
When faced with tough conversations, having a clear structure can make all the difference. That’s why the DESC method is so valuable. Let’s revisit the earlier meeting scenario. Instead of letting that disrespectful comment fester, you use DESC to address it.
You start by describing the situation: “During the meeting, you said, ‘This is a stupid idea.’” No judgment, just the facts. Then you express how it made you feel: “That language creates a negative atmosphere and makes me uncomfortable.” Next, you specify what you need moving forward: “Please share your disagreements constructively in the future.” Finally, you explain the consequences: “This will help us have productive discussions and keep our team environment respectful.”
The DESC method turns what could have been an awkward, unresolved moment into an opportunity for growth. It’s clear, respectful, and action-oriented, a powerful tool for any leader.
Tips to Master Assertive Communication
I’ll never forget working with a leader who had a tough time asserting himself with his team. She was worried about coming off as too harsh or unapproachable, but after a few coaching sessions, she began to see assertiveness as a tool for growth rather than a confrontation.
In one of our coaching sessions, she shared a story about a recent meeting where a team member was missing key deadlines. Instead of criticising, she asked the team member, “What challenges are you facing in meeting these deadlines?” This shift in perspective opened up a productive conversation that helped the team member feel heard and empowered to come up with solutions.
I encouraged her to make this a regular practice. The more you incorporate assertiveness into everyday communication, the easier it becomes. Be consistent, whether it’s offering feedback, setting expectations, or simply acknowledging team members’ efforts.
Another one of my clients, a department head, shared how he used active listening to turn around a difficult situation. Instead of focusing on the missed deadlines, he shifted the conversation to finding solutions together: “Let’s figure out how we can make the next deadline more achievable.” This approach not only solved the issue but strengthened the trust between him and his team.
Overcoming Challenges
One of the most common fears I hear from my clients is the fear of conflict. Many leaders worry that being assertive will make them come across as aggressive or unapproachable. One client, a mid-level manager, was terrified of having a tough conversation with an underperforming team member. She avoided it for weeks, but the issue was only getting worse.
I worked with her on shifting her mindset. Instead of seeing the conversation as a confrontation, she reframed it as an opportunity for growth. “This isn’t about criticising,” she told herself, “it’s about helping this person improve.”
She prepared by gathering specific examples of the behavior that needed to change, and instead of jumping into blame, she used the DESC method. The conversation went as smoothly as possible. Not only did it result in clear expectations, but the team member also left the conversation feeling supported rather than attacked.
By addressing the issue calmly and respectfully, she overcame her fear of conflict and turned it into a constructive conversation that benefited both her and her team.
Wrap-Up
When I reflect on the journeys of the leaders I’ve worked with, one thing is clear: assertive communication is the key to unlocking stronger, more productive teams. It allows leaders to set boundaries, give feedback, and resolve conflicts, all while maintaining a culture of respect and trust.
The DESC method is a simple, powerful tool for navigating difficult conversations, and the results speak for themselves. The leaders who embrace assertive communication don’t just manage, they lead with confidence, clarity, and empathy.
As one client put it, “Assertive communication has changed the way I lead. It’s no longer about avoiding uncomfortable conversations, but about using those moments to build stronger relationships and a more effective team.”
For leaders looking to create an environment where everyone feels heard and respected, assertive communication is non-negotiable. With practice, it becomes second nature, and the positive impact on team culture is undeniable.
To learn more about how to use the DESC method effectively in your leadership role, check out this helpful download guide: Guide in Five: Assertive Communication
